5 Drinks to Enjoy While Watching the World End

There are a number of different ways to use your final hours on this earth: You could scramble for last-minute supplies, or put the finishing touches on that coffin bunker in the backyard. Pack up and bug out to hopefully greener pastures, perhaps; visit with family and friends for some final goodbyes, if you’re the sentimental type.

By Matt Neundorf

Published December 21, 2012

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Updated August 24, 2022

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There are a number of different ways to use your final hours on this earth: You could scramble for last-minute supplies, or put the finishing touches on that ~~coffin~~ bunker in the backyard. Pack up and bug out to hopefully greener pastures, perhaps; visit with family and friends for some final goodbyes, if you’re the sentimental type. The way we figure, though, this final Friday affords you the perfect excuse to settle down, put your feet up and enjoy one last drink (or five) and enjoy the show. To make those major mixer decisions a little easier, we’ve put together a delicious little list of cocktails to savor while you watch as the world burns. Or doesn’t — either way, you won’t be working the next day.

More on the Impending Doom: How to Survive 5 Apocalyptic Scenarios, The Almost Serious Apocalypse Survival Checklist, 5 Apocalypse Watches, 5 Apocalypse Vehicles

The Mayan

1.5 ounces (100% Agave) Reposado Tequila
0.5 ounce Kahlua
2.5 ounces Pineapple Juice
Shake with ice, and serve on the rocks in an Old-Fashioned (lowball) glass. Garnish with coffee beans.

Pay homage to those that have had us all on high alert for the last 5125 years by raising a glass of their namesake cocktail. Crafted using your favorite reposado tequila, the Mayan is a potent potable with a medium-dry finish. Simply shaken together over ice, the combination of tequila, Kahlua and pineapple juice deliver a Luchador’s left hook to any worries of oblivion. We recommend sacrificing a bottle of Kah Tequila Reposado ($46) on the altar, we mean bar, for this one. Aged for ten months in oak casks, this over-proof elixir imparts hints of caramel and vanilla to its full agave flavor, nicely balancing the sweetness of the Kahlua. Plus, the skull bottle will keep things macabre.

Death in the Afternoon

1.5 ounces Absinthe
4 ounces Champagne (iced)
Combine slowly in a Champagne flute.

What if our end of days doesn’t actually wait until the end of the day (planetary collisions don’t follow Eastern Standard?)? No matter the time, this Ernest Hemingway invention will undoubtedly let you exit this earth with the dignity and glow you deserve. Known for its combination of strength and decadence, Papa’s recipe for Death in the Afternoon is to “pour one jigger absinthe into a Champagne glass. Add iced Champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly”. Sounds like great advice to us.

Since it could be your last, throw caution to the wind and splurge on Jade Nouvelle-Orléans Absinthe ($90) for its Big Easy style of the pre-ban liquor, and mortgage the house (you won’t need it anymore) for a bottle of Shipwrecked 1907 Heidseick ($275,000).

The Last Word

1 ounce Gin
1 ounce lime juice
1 ounce green Chartreuse
1 ounce maraschino liqueur
Shake with ice and serve straight up in a cocktail glass.

Originally crafted using bathtub Gin, the Last Word is a prohibition-era cocktail that makes a fitting final statement: You will not go quietly. Having disappeared after World War II, The Last Word’s refreshing and well balanced combination of sweet, sour and pungent flavors were just too damn good to not make a comeback; it resurfaced in 2004. Knock back a few of these mixed with Death’s Door Gin ($35) and tell the reaper who’s boss.

Suffering Bastard

1 ounce Gin
1 ounce Brandy
1/2 ounce lime cordial
2 dashes bitters

Shake with ice. Serve on the rocks in a double Old-Fashioned (highball) glass, and top off by stirring in ginger beer. Garnish with a sprig of mint, orange slice and a cucumber peel — and a few dashes of Tabasco, if you want a taste of the licking flames that await.

Originally concocted at the Shepherds Hotel in Cairo, Egypt, the Suffering Bastard delivers a thirst-quenching flavor and delayed effect that easily transitions last night’s hangover into a never-ending good time. Equal parts brandy and gin are mixed with sweetened lime juice, bitters and ginger ale to replenish some fluids, quell queasiness and reintroduce a much needed fog to end any pain you might be in. If you feel you’ve led a life of sin and are seeking some absolution in your final hours, we recommend adding in that Tabasco to make sure you get the punishing kick you deserve.

Scotch

For those not wanting to mess with mixology in the midst of mayhem, sampling one of Scotland’s celebrated single malts ranks pretty damned close to perfection, no matter what else is going on. We’re looking to the island of Islay for our last dram, where the smoky character from their strongly peated products delivers the sophistication our last drink commands. Which of Islay’s nine distillers you choose is up to you, but our recommendation goes to Lagavulin 16 ($63) to put some fire in your belly and hair on your chest. Sipping it neat with our feet up, basking in the glow of chaos — that’s how we want to go out. Just don’t forget to leave your Angel’s share, just in case.