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There’s no shame in owning a minivan.
False. Sure, there’s no question about their utility and, hence, their prevalence on the American driving landscape. But until someone comes up with one that doesn’t at least partially emasculate red-blooded men, we choose to drive other vehicles that offer up utility, a semblance of driving pleasure and better aesthetics than a toaster oven. Granted, most of them don’t offer up the kind of open rugrat roaming space of a minivan, but they also won’t embarrass you at the next dudes get-together. Here are five we tested on the road.
Additional contribution by Amos Kwon
MORE FAMILY-FRIENDLY VEHICLES: 10 Family Sedans That Won’t Put You To Sleep | Quick Spin: 2015 Volvo V60 Sportswagon | Behind The Wheel: 2014 Land Rover Range Rover Sport HSE
Mercedes-Benz E63 AMG S 4Matic Wagon

Best Stealthy High-Powered Minivan Alternative: MB’s wagon has tons of cargo space, AWD, plenty of rear legroom for adults, easily accessible LATCH connect points for car seats… and it also happens to get to 60 mph in 3.8 seconds thanks to a 577 hp (yep) 5.5 liter biturbo V8, which will rival your daughter’s laugh for best sound coming out of the car. With an under-the-radar sports car approach to hauling kids, the E63 AMG won’t draw too much attention or make you feel uncomfortable in the carpool lane. Of course it comes with all the greatness of the German three-pointed star, with extremely comfortable heated and cooled seats, a panoramic sunroof, infotainment voice command that actually works (still holding out for CarPlay integration) and practical storage space in the back with cubbies and a false floor to hide valuables. Sure you’ll get “you paid what for a wagon?” But as the kids say these days, “haters gonna hate.”
Miles Driven:451
Verdict: If money is no object, this is the perfect car.
Memorable Moment: Turning off the traction control on a dry lake bed, stomping on the throttle and feeling the car dance on the loose silt, with the roar of that magnificent engine reaching the stratosphere.