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Even for me, four pieces of pie in one day is a lot. But when you’re traveling through Julian, California, you stop and get pie. Specifically, apple cherry crumb, caramel dutch apple, chocolate and plain apple. See, we were headed northwest to the desert outside of Borrego Springs in the 2017 Ford F-150 Raptor to defy physics in fun ways but first needed to carb up. That was my excuse, anyway. Though had I known that I’d be laughing my ass off at 70 mph along dusty martian terrain the next morning… I might have gone easier on the gut bombs.
On-road through small towns and curvy mountain switchbacks, the all-new Raptor’s prowess (in the kind of conditions in which most owners will spend their time) is immediately apparent, especially in Sport mode. The truck’s trick 10-speed transmission, computer-controlled steering setup and ridiculously advanced suspension did incredible work, reducing the 6,000–pound behemoth to a much smaller, more manageable perceived size. But it actually hit me when I stepped down from the driver’s seat at Mom’s: I had just easily tailgated less capable cars through ramen noodle–kinky roads in a consumer-grade monster truck.
Pie is my third favorite dessert, behind — in descending order — doughnuts and cupcakes; I probably put away about three entire pies per year. Ford’s F-150 is the best-selling vehicle in America; the previous-generation Raptor sold about 1,000 units per month. Which makes it the dessert to Ford’s ~70k-sold-per-per-month main course.
Allow me to bring home the metaphor: Eat. Dessert. First.
2017 Ford F-150 Raptor
