HELP. I’M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL AND FORCED TO WRITE A DAILY COLUMN FOR THIS PUBLICATION. IF ANYONE IS READING THIS PLEASE SEND A SWAT TEAM, AS MANY PRETZEL M&MS AS YOU CAN FIND, A BUNCH OF MERINO CLOTHING AND A LATE-’90s FERRARI 355 SPIDER. THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH. It’s also April Fools Day! Boy did I get you good. What a great prank. Anyway, here’s what’s new in gear: a juicer George Jetson would love, an external hard drive that doesn’t sap juice from your outlets, some Brazilian “juice” to make those caipirinhas pop and much more.
Juicero

Though it’s currently available only in California, expect to see this juice-machine revelation on countertops nationwide. Instead of cramming veggies down a shoot and dealing with the mess afterward, fresh, juice-able produce ingredients come in packets, arranged specially for each different juice recipe. Pop the packet in, and the machine squeezes out the veggie blood; throw out the packet and enjoy. Clever.